I meet my friend Jeff Gibbons once a month for breakfast. Today’s encounter got off to a funny start.
As I turned left on the street of our regular spot, I noticed plenty of parking on both the left and right sides of the street. Knowing that I would be headed back the way I came, I passed up the spots on the right, flipped a u-turn and took one of the spots on the other side of the street, making sure I was headed in the direction I would be going next.
Since I was early, I sat in the car for a few minutes to finish up a radio interview. And then in my side view mirror I noticed Jeff’s car approaching on the same side of the street I was on. I assumed he would pull in to the open spot behind me.
And just as I was sure he was about to do so, he flipped a u-turn and took a spot on the other side of the street, headed back from where he had come. Like me, he had planned his exit strategy.
I emerged from my car laughing, approaching Jeff and saying, “Apparently there’s a masculine need to make sure we have a getaway!” and explained to him that I had done the same thing just 10 minutes earlier.
We shared a knowing laugh and then proceeded to talk it over. I am grateful to say that when Jeff and I meet we don’t spend a lot of time on the surface. We get into stuff that we don’t talk about in many, if any, other places. It is an open, honest, thoughtful and candid discussion of manhood, fatherhood, marriage, faith, politics and anything else we might throw in.
We talked about the fact that men are always looking for a way out, regardless of the threat level. We have inherited the bias for action and reaction and, as such, equip ourselves for a ready response. This is painting with a broad brush, I know, but seeing the two of us act this way in quick succession made me think that it might not just be me, or Jeff, but that maybe lots of us operate in this mode.
We men need other men in our lives. The science backs up the health benefits of long-term male friendship and it doesn’t hurt to have the occasional reminder that we’re not the only one dealing with, working on, trying to get better at…whatever it is.
I appreciate male friendships that provide the space for intimate and vulnerable conversations. I also recognize that it can be tough for us to stay in those conversations for too long. We dive below the surface for a little while and then bob back up to the surface for some fresh air and a check of the weather, often literally. We use that moment to pinpoint the location of our car, confirming that it it’s still pointed in the right direction.
Just in case.
DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world. Connect with him on Twitter at @berrydavid.
