I applaud every single person who says they want to get better at dealing with change.
I respect their acknowledgement that doing so will make a big, positive difference, not only to their peace of mind but in their ability to move through the world with greater ease, composure and confidence.
To those stout-hearted souls I offer this recommendation (if I am briefly allowed the presumption of having something of value to offer on the subject):
First, start within.
Begin with the assumption that your resistance or difficulty with change is a byproduct of your personal, necessary adaptations to life.
And then question those adaptations with vigorous curiosity;
“Is it still necessary for me to control every situation or is that a leftover from feeling out of control for so long?”
“Is it still necessary for me to dominate every conversation or is that a leftover from my not being heard?”
“Is it still necessary for me to shrink into the corner at the first sign of conflict or is that a leftover from being exposed to too much conflict?”
Your history is your history and it has deep, inherent value. Until it is reconciled in terms of who you are now and where you intend to go next, however, it will always remain an anchor on your forward progress.
Yes, yes, yes…devote yourself to greater capacity for both the quality and quantity of the changes you will face. And, please do not lose sight of the basic truth that there is no skill you can learn, seminar you can attend or guru you can follow who can capably replace your honest declaration of what you alone must first address.
It is always an inside job.
DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.