Better Questions for a Better Year

I meet with a small group of trusted friends – fellow travelers – once a month for the purpose of connection that surfaces learning and deepens insight. We create a space of mutual respect and loving friendship because we want to, most importantly, but also because our work as leaders, consultants, teachers and coaches demands that we expand our capacity proportionate to our desire to be of service.

For our most recent conversation, Alia Fitzgerald composed the following questions to help our reflections on the past year shape our aspirations for the year ahead:

  • What are the six words that best describe 2018? What would you like those words to be in 2019?
  • What were you a part of last year that you’ll remember for the rest of your life? What do you take away that you could apply to your wellbeing and success this year?
  • What commitment if achieved tomorrow would give you the greatest feeling of contentment, satisfaction or success?

There is too much to do and too much at stake for any of us to go it alone. Trusted friends and powerful questions are still the best recipe for setting the intentions that allow us to do our very best work, the work that is ours alone to do.

[HT to Molly Davis and Alia Fitzgerald]


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

Mature Idealism

The summer after my sophomore year of college I stayed on campus to work on the conferences and events team. We made beds, hauled supplies and were continuously “on call” for the many groups who used the university’s facilities between May and August.

One large group proved to be especially challenging for our team. Between their ever-increasing demands and our inability to meet them, frustration mounted quickly on both sides. As we approached the boiling point our boss called an emergency meeting to determine next steps. We were worn out, frustrated and short on ideas about how to meet this client’s demands.

The boss asked us for our ideas and I blurted out, “They just never should have come.”

I’ve seen some withering stares in my life but the one I received from my boss that day tops them all. Incredulous, he moved on to someone else, someone with something useful to say.

The danger of youthful idealism is that when things don’t work out as you believe they should, an immature response seems all there is to offer. It’s a place of victimization rather than agency, one of stagnation rather than creativity.

A mature idealism suggests that our highest aspirations are always tempered with the acceptance of reality, with respect for the vicissitudes of change. From that place we can responsibly say, “”We knew this was possible. It’s not what we wanted, but we knew it was possible. What’s the best we can do in this moment?”

That’s a position of possibility, an opening up to what the moment has to teach us and a chance to practice the resilience necessary to make the most of it.

As the saying goes, the only way to survive keeping your head in the clouds is to have your feet firmly planted on the ground.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

 

 

Again, and again, and again

It is not because you do not know the truth that I write to you, but because you know it already.
– 1 John 2:21

People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed.
– 
Samuel Johnson


I am not writing this piece for you, I am writing it for me.

I am not trying – though it often sounds that way, I’m sure – to convince you of anything, to make you change anything, to swing your vote to my side.

It is through writing that I remember what I care about, why I care about it and what I need to do every day to live out those beliefs.

I care about self-knowledge and personal accountability for acting on that self-knowledge as consistently as possible.

I care about building relationships that are based on love more than fear, respect more than intimidation, and open-hearted vulnerability.

I care about learning, the relentless exploration of the frontiers to which each of us is called.

Every time I write I am inviting myself back to those three themes, checking on my integrity, exploring my commitment. Every day I bake a new cake of those beliefs, combining the ingredients once more to find out if I have them in the right proportion, to see again if I am living out what I so easily espouse.

If what I put down moves or shifts your point of view in any way, that’s the frosting, but I am not concerned with that.

I am concerned with the cake. If it’s not right, nothing else matters.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world. Connect with him on Twitter at @berrydavid.

Move toward aliveness

“…anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.”

– from “Sweet Darkness” by David Whyte


Move toward aliveness, in all ways and at all times. It’s the only way to stay present, to stay vital, to stay engaged, to stay young…in mind, heart and body.

We are pulled, pulled, pulled to the middle…miles from the edge of our experience. The edge of our experience is where aliveness lives.

It waits for us like a loyal dog, wagging with exuberance when we come into view, jumping into our laps with only possibility on its mind. It begs us to step out, once again, into the field of play.

When we decline, it curls into a ball at our feet, resigned to our disinterest, ready for another try tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow.

Move toward aliveness, in all ways and at all times.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world. Connect with him on Twitter at @berrydavid.

This is a Season

This is a season, not a permanent condition.

Just because the sewage pipe split due to 25 years of attack from palm tree roots and allowed waste to flow backwards into our downstairs bathtub last spring;

And just because both the heater and air conditioning had to be replaced this summer;

And just because our dishwasher leaked A LOT and caused so much damage that half of our kitchen was “demoed” today, down to the studs;

None of it means that 2019 will be another year of domestic catastrophe. Sometimes, quite literally, shit happens.

This is just a season and it’s a season in which we have learned the true cost of being rich. Not wealthy but rich, in the sense of having far more than we need, the luxury of complaining about inconveniences and the ability to pay for them and get on with our lives. That kind of rich.

As simpler and wiser cultures know far better than ours, the more attached we are to conveniences, the less convenient life can sometimes be.

Here’s to a season of simplicity, perspective and appreciation. Here’s to a season of falling in love again with what matters most.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world. Connect with him on Twitter at @berrydavid.

The Timelessness of Feeling

There is an odd and unpredictable relationship between my iPhone and my car’s bluetooth receiver (cue, “First World Problem” music).

Sometimes it just starts playing music that I haven’t told it to play. And this is surprising to me because I almost never play music in my car. I am a devoted podcast listener. I am hungry – ceaselessly hungry, it seems – for information. Sometimes current events, often times interviews, but always the spoken word.

The other day, taking my daughter to school, on it came; a random shuffle of the music on my phone. And it was a good song, something from the musical “Next to Normal,” I think. “Oh, this is good,” I said. And we listened. And then I thought, “Well, let’s just see what comes on next.”

“Daniel,” by Elton John. No way I was changing that one.

And then an amazing cover of “Songbird” by Eva Cassidy. Incredible.

One after another these great artists joined me in the car: James Taylor, Pearl Jam, Glen Hansard, Colin Hay, Simon and Garfunkel.

Not once did I want to change to a podcast. I was in a reverie of my music, reminded of what it means to me, grateful for it.

It seems our devices know a lot about us these days. Mine knows something that surprised me, something I am relieved that it knows: that once in a while I need to be washed in the timelessness of feeling instead of the immediacy of knowing.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world. Connect with him on Twitter at @berrydavid.

 

One Beam of Light

I think it’s extraordinary that even the smallest light can illuminate the darkest space. Consider that for a moment: no matter how dark it is, if you have one ray, one beam of light, you can see. And once you can see, you can act. And once you can act you are steps away from being out of the confines of darkness and into the freedom of light.

What is your one beam of light?

Is it a friendship, a poem, a word?

Is it a quote, your marriage, a lifelong friend?

Is it a story of redemption, a moment of truth, an episode of daring?

Is it a work of art, a song, a chance encounter?

Is it your child, a value, a strength?

Is it your work? Is it your faith?

One beam of light transforms the darkness. Every time.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world. Connect with him on Twitter at @berrydavid.

Does it pass the test?

Do you remember what you felt as a child when you were going to do something special?

Maybe a visit to the park? The movies? A sleepover at a friend’s house? The last day of school? A road trip to see relatives…favorite cousins?

Do you remember that feeling of anticipation, energy, happiness? That surge of possibility? Those pangs of being in love with life?

Do you remember?

Does your work feel like that? Does it pass the “child about to go to the park” test?

Yes? On most days? That is outstanding! Congratulations!

No? On most days? That stinks. I’m sorry about that.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Now here’s the tough question, the awkward one: what are you going to do about it?


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world. Connect with him on Twitter at @berrydavid.

Inspiration for your aspiration

David

Photo credit: Cassandra Workman

For in it may be seen most beautiful contours of legs, with attachments of limbs and slender outlines of flanks that are divine; nor has there ever been seen a pose so easy, or any grace to equal that in this work, or feet, hands and head so well in accord, one member with another, in harmony, design, and excellence of artistry”.
  – Giorgio Vasari

Chances are you are not the Michelangelo of your profession. Most of us are not.

And, if you’re like me, comparing yourself to a master like him is the perfect way to kill creativity and destroy self-esteem. Instead, let’s choose to be inspired by him and see what we can learn from his genius to apply to our own work.

Consider this: Michelangelo carved “David” from a piece of marble that had been ignored for more than 25 years due to a repeating flaw in the stone.

The master craftsman’s legacy is defined as much by what he imagined was possible as by his ability to bring it to life.

He worked within the constraints of imperfection and used that limitation as a means of shaping his own capability.

Maybe the door through which you will access your next breakthrough is labeled “flawed” or “passed over.” And maybe that will provide the right conditions to awaken your sense of what’s possible and how to discover it.

Let Michelangelo inspire you. And when you’re done with that, go ahead and inspire yourself.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world. Connect with him on Twitter at @berrydavid.