“Your great mistake is to act the drama as if you were alone.”
– David Whyte, “Everything is Waiting for You”
Some days it just happens. I have an experience or an interaction that is so obviously “connective” and, assuming my iPhone is nearby, it is easily captured. A lovely watercolor falls out of a book. A game of backgammon is in full swing. An old friend appears unexpectedly. Those days make me feel like the beneficiary of some divine offering.
Some days I know it’s coming. We’re going to see those friends at an anniversary celebration or those friends at a going-away party. Those days feel like cheating. I wake up knowing that this day is “covered” and I don’t have to “worry” about it. Connection is in the bag.
Some days I have to work for it. I have to be on the lookout and if nothing shows up (or more likely, if I have blindly missed lots of opportunities) I have to make it happen myself. This feels off to me, like I’m engineering the moment in service of the project instead of just experiencing my already connected life. What I discovered though, and this picture (Day 66) is a great example of it, is that good stuff can happen when you are set on creating connection. I asked my daughter to come and sit with me so mom could take our picture. It was 9:30 pm on a Friday night and I still didn’t have my shot for the day. We started goofing around with weird voices and then she said something that cracked us both up. We kept giggling for a minute or two and mom captured what had become an authentic moment of connection.
That moment made something concrete for me in a way that I wasn’t expecting: that connection isn’t always pure and organic. That it doesn’t just “happen” and that we can’t expect it to. Connection needs a catalyst, a spark. Sometimes, especially with the people closest to us, we have to work for it. Sometimes, even when our vulnerability tells us it is awkward or forced, connection can transform a moment into something altogether new, something for us to savor.
My most recent 25 “connection” photos can be seen here. Days 1-25 are here. And days 26-50 are here.
DAVID BERRY is the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world, especially the parts where he doesn’t handle it very well. If you enjoyed this post someone else might, too. Please pass it along.
David, your 75 Days of Connection offering was… exceptional. The power of a simple message… if connection matters… be prepared to make it happen. Thank you!