Personal Mission

The quote and question after which I titled my first book is, “Are we not safer leading A More Daring Life?”

The motto of the Society of Jesus (the Jesuits) is AMajorem Dei Gloriam, meaning “For the Greater Glory of God.” I first learned this phrase in college, at Loyola Marymount University.

When combined, these two phrases form the statement of my personal aspiration:

To lead a more daring life for the greater glory of God.

I know that I am meant to become the fullest possible expression of myself, using the gift of my very life, as well as my innate and developed abilities, to make a positive difference in my family and community.

I know that I am not meant to play it safe, but to venture inward, exploring the territory of myself, and outward, exploring the territory of relationship and learning, in order to risk and to grow. And to always do so in service of something larger than myself, both terrestrial and spiritual.

I cannot say that I have achieved this because I remain a work in progress. I can say that I aspire to this, knowing that my failures are another opportunity to learn. I would rather fail attempting to live up to a high standard, then to set it so low that I guarantee my “success.”

Today is yet another day to lead a more daring life for the greater glory of God.

AMDL/G


 

Circular Logic

The more I learn about myself, the more empathy I have for others.

The more empathy I have for others, the stronger my relationships will be.

The stronger my relationships are, the more risks I am willing to take.

The more risks I am willing to take, the more I learn about myself.

The more I learn about myself, the more empathy I have for others.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

 

The Conversation You’re Not Having

The conversation you’re not having is the most important one you can have. It’s high stakes: deeply personal, risky, scary…an extraordinary testament to the terrifying power of the unknown.

It creeps into your mind, inhabits your heart and stays in the middle of both for as long as you allow it. It is formed and reformed by your imaginative telling, listening, responding, re-telling, listening and responding. Around and around it goes, a whirling dervish of pretend, always in motion but not going anywhere, at least not yet.

When you learn, decide, determine to have that conversation, you will be forever changed. And you know that, which is why you haven’t had it yet!

But do it anyway, and do it soon. And then proudly stand in the minority, among the willing few who have overcome their resistance and decided that it is finally time to own, be and do that which is yours to own, be and do.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

Courage Begets Courage

Yesterday, I wrote about trying something new as the result of the shared support and accountability that can emerge between trusted friends. Having put myself “on the hook” I felt a strong obligation to them and to myself to follow through. What I didn’t share is that I am not the only of us to take new actions, new risks, as a result of our collaboration.

One friend designed and led a one-day retreat she had been longing to offer. She issued the invitation and many said “yes.”

Another friend enrolled her boss in a difficult conversation about redesigning her work schedule to make her well-being a higher priority. The answer was, “yes.”

While none of us would claim direct responsibility for the other’s courageous step, we feel a profound sense of shared responsibility for the listening, the encouragement and celebration for the other’s follow-through.

Your courage is my courage. And it is her courage and his courage, and then mine again, even greater now.

That’s the gift of connection between trusted friends.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

A Week of Thanks: Day 1

fullsizeoutput_1848I am thankful for the many “edge” experiences I have had in my life – some chosen on purpose, some chosen accidentally, and some thrust upon me. These are moments and commitments that shaped my experience, my perspective and my confidence. I can still feel the fear, anticipation and anxiety of each one. And I can still feel the blessed relief of coming out the other side in one (vastly improved) piece.

In high school, during our production of the musical “Camelot,” I strode out onto an extension of the stage – between the audience and the orchestra pit – that had me nearly standing in the front row. In the middle of the song I forgot the words and spun backwards as if doing so would make me disappear. It’s right there on film.

Driving from Los Angeles to San Francisco to Chicago after college graduation to start my first job. From the edge of the country to the middle. Unknown, vast, foreign. Friends along the way. New friends and experiences waiting for me.

Standing in front of a group of admirals and generals gathered for an executive education program on leadership and culture at which I was a featured speaker. Actually, the night before the speech when I was hyperventilating to my wife over the phone that I had no business being there, none whatsoever, and that I had no idea what I was going to say. But it wasn’t that, it was the fear that what I had to say wouldn’t be good enough.

Sitting across from a therapist because “this will make me a better coach.” Learning, over hundreds of conversations that the work was about becoming a whole person.

Standing on a bluff above the ocean, strapped into a harness and parasail, contemplating the stated fact that the only to go up was to step off the edge. And then, stepping.

Thank you God, family, colleagues and life itself. Thank you for the invitation and the push. Please keep inviting and please keep pushing. I will do my best to meet you there with a full and willing heart.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world. Connect with him on Twitter at @berrydavid.

 

 

 

A little more risk, a lot more luck

Here’s a little inspiration for your Monday:

Years ago, just starting out in my business as a leadership coach and organizational consultant, I decided to market myself by doing a bunch of pro bono speaking engagements. Organizations like Rotary Club always need speakers and this newly minted “freelancer” needed the practice.

On one occasion I accepted a lunch time engagement at a restaurant about 40 miles from my home. I was assured that there would be “at least 20 to 25” participants which sounded fine to me. Upon arrival, I discovered that the restaurant was more like a diner, and that the meeting was in a backroom that was connected to the kitchen. It was loud and noisy.

And six people showed up.

Between tentative bites of my Cobb salad I began to feel doubt, regret and a healthy dose of self-pity. “What the hell am I doing here?” echoed through my mind along with a few other colorful thoughts.

And then I made a decision. I saw the faces of my mentors, I examined the truth of my own intentions and I simply decided to take the risk of speaking to those six people with the energy I might give to 60…or even 600.

I gave them all I had…my very best. And as a result – would you believe it? – one of those six (1 of 6!) invited me to his organization and offered me a project that turned into a multi-year engagement. It was the most significant financial transaction of my first year in business, by far.

It happened because I took the risk of showing up and because I took the risk of playing big.

I was inspired to share this story after watching this short, sweet and totally compelling talk by Tina Seelig. In the spirit of small risks and big luck, I hope you’ll take 10 minutes to check it out.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world. Connect with him on Twitter at @berrydavid.

Freedom from Fear

If not now, when?

To speak up? To stand up? To take a chance? To risk? To love? To discover? To explore? To learn? To lead? To follow? To be known? To know others? To investigate? To stretch? To get dirty, messy, uncomfortable? To live with hopeful realism?

We are living in an age of relentless trauma. I’m not saying that hope is lost, that good won’t win over evil or that the sky is falling. I don’t know. None of us know. And I am not an alarmist. I am paying attention. The trauma is real. And if you have the freedom to act there is no better time than now.

The arc of my personal development has long bent toward learning how to freely express my feelings. I adapted to my own set of childhood experiences by learning not to risk abandonment or loss. A good way to do that is to not say things that might upset people.

The learning has been steep and treacherous but I have found that good people, thoughtful people…close friends in particular, many of my clients, my girlfriend/fiancée/wife of 28 years, my children…appreciate my kind and thoughtful candor. There was a time that seemed impossible. And that has happened as I have learned to receive their kind and thoughtful candor in return.

As far as I’ve come, I have to do better. The moment demands it and I choose to meet the moment. There will never be a more important time in my lifetime to practice being better at what I find is the hardest thing to do: to live into a more authentic version of the freedom I so cherish; the freedom to speak up, to speak with integrity, to speak with love. The freedom to both express and receive the painful, unpleasant and hard to acknowledge real stuff of this time and place.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.