How about this?
How about you stop explaining what you are about to ask or say or state?
How about you just go ahead and say it?
I’m projecting that onto you because it’s a huge development opportunity for me.
And I’m already getting better.
Because I decided to. And because I have a good friend helping me.
Be direct. Be clear. And don’t go it alone.
Any pain that remains unhealed in our hearts usually ends up getting projected onto others.
If you are in a position of influence this may mean that you abuse your authority, create unrealistic expectations, berate team members, withhold information, feel threatened by other’s success, or regularly operate in passive/aggressive mode. All of these are outward manifestations of internal disquiet.
When I describe leadership as an “inside job” or encourage leaders to “start within,” I am talking, first, about getting honest about what is unhealed and getting down to the very serious business of healing it.
Until that work is begun, even our “best and brightest” will suffer the vulnerability of insufficiency and either avoid responsibility due to a fear of failure or accept it without the humility required to be of service to those they lead.