Between Friends

A text exchange between friends \\ 10:45 AM \\ December 18, 2019


Friend: Checking in on you today – you keep crossing my mind. Wondering how your spirits are, and the sense of “darkness”?


Me: Lovely timing…


Friend: Crazy how that works


Me: The thing about advent is that its a journey from darkness to light…

the dark is uncomfortable at first, and then seductive…a comfy place to stay and brood…the promise of light feels a little too much at first, the light itself a little harsh

And then the memory that the dark is in service of the light and stepping towards it is not fatal but generative

Feeling more on that side of things these days



Friend: No!! So good, and as usually happens with ‘lovely timing’, the words coming back my way were hand-picked for today. Thanks David!!

Here’s to stepping towards the light…


And a few hours later, “friend” sends the perfect poem to encourage me to keep stepping:


From (Rainer Maria) Rilke’s “Book of Hours”:

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are the words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.

Flare up like flame
and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.

i see light in the darkness text

Photo by Brett Sayles on

Hang Out With People Who Make You Better

I first played racquetball in high school and loved it right away. It’s intense, fast, highly competitive and an incredible workout.

Less than a year later, not too far into my first semester of college, I befriended a guy who mentioned that he played racquetball and that there were courts on campus just a short walk from where I lived. I brightened up right away and suggested that we play together sometime.

It wouldn’t be accurate to say that I was cocky or even overly confident about going up against my new friend on the court, but I had developed some skill in the short time I’d been playing and my friend, well, he just looked too big and slow to be much of a player.

He demolished me in our first game. And in our second game, and in the third one, too.

After the beatings he decided to mention that he had played in a semi-pro league for a while. I didn’t know that was a thing.

Sensing that he was about to lose the possibility of establishing a regular game with me due to my utter humiliation, he made me a deal. A right-handed player, he offered to play left-handed until I beat him.

And I did beat him. Six. Months. Later.

And then he switched back to his right hand and destroyed me all over again.

I never did win against his strong hand but the six months it took to break through against his weak hand saw my game improve by leaps and bounds. Beating him that day, conditional though it was, filled me with pure joy because I knew that I had played beyond myself. And I did so through the willing partnership of a very talented friend.

[HT to Anna Schrag for inspiring this post.]

DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.