#14 – Tell the truth as fast as you can

This is #14 in the series, “50 Ideas Worth Fighting For.”


Sounds good, right?

It’s almost obvious, a little bit patronizing even.

And, yet.

It can be very hard to do.

How long do you sit on your feelings, questioning them, rationalizing them, negating them? How often do you rehearse difficult conversations in your mind, playing them out over and over, sounding more and more eloquent, clear and convincing, only to have it all fall apart in real time?

The problem with the word “truth” is that it may only be your truth. This is why it makes a lot of sense to heed Brené Brown’s advice and start any truth-telling conversation with this line: “The story I’m telling myself is…”

This has the powerful effect of keeping you on the hook for sharing what you are there to share and letting you off the hook for having to be right. Because your truth is not “right,” of course. It’s likely part of a larger truth, one that was co-created by you and someone else you probably care a lot about, but not a truth that can stand on its own.

But speed matters most of all, because the longer you stew on your truth, the bigger your self-righteousness becomes and the faster your resentment grows. Or is that just me?

It’s hard to speak up, to be vulnerable, to share our hurts, to risk being misunderstood and possibly mistaken. The sooner we do so, the sooner we find out what’s real and that’s when we earn the right, once again, to a free mind and an open heart.


light trails on highway at night

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Change at the Margin

At the edges, not at the center. That’s where real change begins.

We work from the outside in, a series of small but potent actions in service of our highest aspirations:

  • small gatherings of like-minded colleagues marked by a commitment to knowing the people for who they are, not just by what they do,
  • brief but sincere check-ins on values and culture to lead off every meeting,
  • brief but sincere recognition offered at the end of every meeting,
  • “below the line” conversations with customers about their aspirations for their own enterprises,
  • common sense support for healthy distance from work after hours, on weekends and on vacations,
  • regular, rich, candid and mutual conversations about performance that make “performance reviews” irrelevant
  • and how many more can you think of?

These acts do not require permission, nor do they require authority. They require initiative.

These acts, over time, lead to a more open system, a system that is learning how to learn and therefore, learning how to change.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world. Connect with him on Twitter at @berrydavid.

Freedom from Fear

If not now, when?

To speak up? To stand up? To take a chance? To risk? To love? To discover? To explore? To learn? To lead? To follow? To be known? To know others? To investigate? To stretch? To get dirty, messy, uncomfortable? To live with hopeful realism?

We are living in an age of relentless trauma. I’m not saying that hope is lost, that good won’t win over evil or that the sky is falling. I don’t know. None of us know. And I am not an alarmist. I am paying attention. The trauma is real. And if you have the freedom to act there is no better time than now.

The arc of my personal development has long bent toward learning how to freely express my feelings. I adapted to my own set of childhood experiences by learning not to risk abandonment or loss. A good way to do that is to not say things that might upset people.

The learning has been steep and treacherous but I have found that good people, thoughtful people…close friends in particular, many of my clients, my girlfriend/fiancée/wife of 28 years, my children…appreciate my kind and thoughtful candor. There was a time that seemed impossible. And that has happened as I have learned to receive their kind and thoughtful candor in return.

As far as I’ve come, I have to do better. The moment demands it and I choose to meet the moment. There will never be a more important time in my lifetime to practice being better at what I find is the hardest thing to do: to live into a more authentic version of the freedom I so cherish; the freedom to speak up, to speak with integrity, to speak with love. The freedom to both express and receive the painful, unpleasant and hard to acknowledge real stuff of this time and place.


DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.