Have you ever been in this place where some aspects of your life are just cruising along, full steam ahead and other areas seem stuck in the mud? It’s this weird dissonance that doesn’t make a lot of sense when you’re in the middle of it. It just doesn’t seem possible that there can be so much momentum in one area and so much inertia – or the feeling of inertia – in another.
And, yet, that’s where I find myself.
Part of why I know this is that it’s been over two weeks since I last posted a blog entry. And it’s not like nothing’s happened in the last two weeks – a boatload of stuff has happened, plenty of material has been sitting there, waiting for me to put it in play and…….I have simply been uninspired to do so.
Actually, I think my last post on “Separation” took a lot out of me. In truth, the subject matter is so powerful to me that I’ve had to just retreat for a little while to let it sink in. The fact is, I’m dealing with a loss and it’s taking me time (more time than I’d like!) to get it sorted out. And, the more I think about it, the more I see that the “sorting out” was hijacked by a flight into activity.
Just a few days into my new reality I boarded a plane to the east coast – I had a terrific weekend in Manhattan, followed by a wonderful day at the New York Times where I had the chance to talk about coaching, leadership, engagement and innovation; I then caught a train to Boston for a few days of meetings and then headed home for a great weekend of reconnecting with the family in the summer sun of San Diego.
All that good stuff gave me sanctuary from dealing with the emotional impact of recent events. And, when I arrived back at work on Monday morning it’s no wonder that I felt disengaged and disconnected. I was forced to stare this new situation right in the face and didn’t much feel like doing so. So, here I am a few days later, reflecting on it all, both sobered and amazed by the truth that these transitions, these separations, these changes are just hard. And, aware though I may be that I’m in the middle of one and that it will all get sorted out in good time I still get very clever at trying to force the issue, make the healing go faster, make it all better right now.
In closing, with astute self-awareness noted and chronicled, allow me to channel my inner 5-year-old: “make it better RIGHT NOW!”
