In 1936 Dale Carnegie proposed that there are “six ways to get people to like you.”
Here’s his list:
- Be genuinely interested in other people.
- Remember people’s names.
- Be a good listener.
- Talk in terms of other’s interests.
- Make people feel important and do it sincerely.
– from How to Win Friends and Influence People
Not on the list?
- Share your accomplishments.
- Demonstrate your worthiness.
- Take yourself seriously.
- Describe your competence in detail.
- Act self-important.
- Tell an anecdote that makes you sound interesting.
Is this all self-evident? Is it obvious that humility and curiosity are the benchmarks of likability and therefore the cornerstones of connection? Most people would say so but I still see behaviors – and even notice impulses in myself – that contradict that sentiment.
The need to prove our worthiness seems to me the single greatest impediment to the establishment of mutually generative relationships. The…
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