Field of Dreams

“Back of every creation, supporting it like an arch, is faith. Enthusiasm is nothing: It comes and goes. But if one believes, then miracles occur.”  – Henry Miller

A man hears a voice that tells him to plow under his corn and replace it with a baseball field.

He obeys.

The “ghost” players come to play and only those who believe can see the action.

Belief is a daring word, an “out on a limb” word. Vulnerability is its price tag. And you must decide if you’re willing to pay.

What do you believe in? What are you willing to pay?

DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

Leadership and Fatherhood

Leadership and fatherhood: taking complete responsibility for teaching and supporting others to take complete responsibility; for themselves, for the welfare of others and for any cause worth fighting for.

DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

Ambivalence

Pinned to my bulletin board is a card received from a friend during a professional transition that significantly impacted us both. She wrote:

“Here’s to the next chapter! I say it with a pit in my stomach and eyes forward to the new.”

To acknowledge our discomfort with change while holding onto our belief in the possibility of what’s to come seems like a good description of maturity.

The last of the finches fledged on our patio has flown the nest. I will miss the daily, sometimes hourly, opportunity to see them grow before my eyes. I am also glad they’re gone.

DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

What Is

Once you work through your expectations, your idealism and your fantasies of what will be you are left with what is.

And how you bridge the gap between your perceptions of what could be and the reality of what is determines the quality and stability of your relationships, especially the one with yourself.

The finches born in the nest on our patio are now in adolescence and ready – if not exactly willing – to fly. Mom and dad come to the nest to cajole them out and then fly away to a nearby tree as if to say: “See, it’s just to here. You can do it. Come join me!”

It’s essential to have high expectations.

Just don’t forget to start by meeting them where they are.

DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

Commencement

 

To honor the accomplishment of my son’s high school commencement today here’s a piece I wrote a few years back. Congratulations, Duncan!

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Here at the end of the school year I’ve been thinking about what I would say to a class of graduating seniors to mark their commencement. There’s nothing here you don’t already know. The question is, for all of us, at what point does the reminding help us finally decide to take action. At what point do we say, yes, there is another way?

Social media is for sharing, not comparing. We are the most connected we’ve ever been and it’s an extraordinary thing. It’s also a trap that can put you into a “downward spiral” (see “The Art of Possibility”) really fast if you aren’t careful. 

You are creative. Beautifully, richly creative. Saying you are not is a lie you tell to protect yourself from the fear of failure.

Everything you find lacking in someone else you find lacking in yourself. Be kind, starting with yourself.

Bullies and other junkie people are in pain which is why they take it out on you. Don’t give them the satisfaction. And, if you can, help them.

The kids who dress weird and are into art, music, tech and other creative pursuits will likely be your boss someday.

Learning is the only path through change. Change will never stop so learning can’t either. Once you finish all of the academic stuff, turn that attention on yourself. Be your own best subject.

There’s no such thing as “ready.” If you’re ever “ready” you’ve waited too long.

If the path ahead of you is clear, you are probably on someone else’s path. Yours is the tough one and even though you will be tempted many times to give it up for some “greener grass,” stay on it and make the most of it.

The vast majority of the world’s population is worse off than you in ways that are sometimes hard to believe. Astonishingly those same underprivileged, underfunded and under appreciated people tend to have a perspective on what matters most that too often eludes the rest of us. 

The quality of your relationships determine the quality of your life. Be generous with those you care about. Love them well.

The world is not waiting to laugh at you when you mess up. Everyone else is too concerned about their own stuff. So, mess up often, learn from it and get better. Living intentionally is where the action is. 

If it can’t be done playfully it’s not worth doing. Find what you can play at and just keep playing.

DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

Feel the Stretch

I received an email blast the other day about a new golf “improvement” device. It promised that I would “feel the stretch” when I used it, with all sorts of benefits to my core strength, my flexibility and of course, my golf swing.

And I could almost feel the stretch they described just by thinking about it. A good stretch…a thoughtful, patient, slow and purposeful good stretch is a tremendously gratifying thing; both the act itself and the feeling of rejuvenation that comes with it.

Again, I am talking about thoughtful, patient, slow and purposeful stretching. When we take it on that way it can do wonders for both mind and body.

And what’s good for our physical bodies surely must be good for our cognitive and emotional capacities as well. And yet what I find so often, in myself and in my clients, is that when I take on a new stretch, the challenge of developing a new skill, behavior, aptitude or approach, I expect to figure it out right away…right now.

When I get down to the business of actually making the change, the attempt at assimilating this foreign attribute into my native patterns, it doesn’t take long for me to expel it. My urgency for “mastery” is overwhelmed by the recognition of the effort required and I can become thoughtless, impatient, fast and chaotic in my attempts to figure it out.

Which is precisely when I am best advised to remember to “feel the stretch.”

The promotional video includes instructions for a series of exercises. So many reps for so many minutes a day. Feel the stretch. Build yourself up a little at a time. Soon, not tomorrow and probably not next week, but soon you will feel and experience the results.

I think I’m gonna buy it.

DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

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There’s a line in a David Whyte poem I come back to again and again: “anything or anyone that doesn’t bring you alive is too small for you.”

It’s worth considering what you’re hanging onto that no longer serves you. That habit, that mindset, that behavior, that relationship…it’s familiar and understood. It’s comfortable.

If you let it go, what will you be left with? What will take its place? The great adventure is to let it go and find out. The great terror is to let it go and find out.

I’m reminded of the understory of a forest. If it doesn’t burn periodically nothing new has the space and light to grow.

DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

 

A living organism has the capacity to grow

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That includes you and me, of course.

Today’s good.

Tomorrow’s good, too.

But today is better.

It’s summer.

Most everything is in bloom.

Birds have hatched their little ones in a nest on our patio. Back and forth go mom and dad, ferrying food to their offspring. We spied on them when they were still enclosed in blue speckled eggs. Now they are scrawny, hungry and noisy. That’s what growing looks like. What it sounds like.

You start small. The odds are against you. Some people help you. You try some more.

And then one day…one day you are a step closer.

Tomorrow’s good, too.

But today is better.

DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.

Thresholds

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From “To Bless the Space Between Us” by John O’Donohue

Within the grip of winter, it is almost impossible to imagine the spring. The gray perished landscape is shorn of color. Only bleakness meets the eye; everything seems severe and edged. Winter is the oldest season; it has some quality of the absolute. Yet beneath the surface of winter, the miracle of spring is already in preparation; the cold is relenting; seeds are wakening up. Colors are beginning to imagine how they will return. Then, imperceptibly, somewhere one bud opens and the symphony of renewal is no longer reversible. From the black heart of winter a miraculous, breathing plenitude of color emerges.

The beauty of nature insists on taking its time. Everything is prepared. Nothing is rushed. The rhythm of emergence is a gradual slow beat always inching its way forward; change remains faithful to itself until the new unfolds in the full confidence of true arrival. Because nothing is abrupt, the beginning of spring nearly always catches us unawares. It is there before we see it; and then we can look nowhere without seeing it.

Change arrives in nature when time has ripened. There are no jagged transitions or crude discontinuities. This accounts for the sureness with which one season succeeds another. It is as though they were moving forward in a rhythm set from within a continuum.

To change is one of the great dreams of every heart – to change the limitations, the sameness, the banality, or the pain. So often we look back on patterns of behavior, the kind of decisions we make repeatedly and that have failed to serve us well, and we aim for a new and more successful path or way of living. But change is difficult for us. So often we opt to continue the old pattern, rather than risking the danger of difference. We are also often surprised by change that seems to arrive out of nowhere. We find ourselves crossing some new threshold we had never anticipated. Like spring secretly at work within the heart of winter, below the surface of our lives huge changes are in fermentation. We never suspect a thing. Then when the grip of some long-enduring winter mentality beings to loosen, we find ourselves vulnerable to a flourish of possibility and we are suddenly negotiating the challenge of a threshold.

At any time you can ask yourself: At which threshold am I now standing? At this time in my life, what am I leaving? Where am I about to enter? What is preventing me from crossing my next threshold? What gift would enable me to do it? A threshold is not a simple boundary; it is a frontier that divides two different territories, rhythms and atmospheres. Indeed, it is a lovely testimony to the fullness and integrity of an experience or a stage of life that it intensifies toward the end into a real frontier that cannot be crossed without the heart being passionately engaged and woken up. At this threshold a great complexity of emotions comes alive: confusion, fear, excitement, sadness, hope. This is one of the reasons such vital crossing were always clothed in ritual. It is wise in your own life to be able to recognize and acknowledge the key thresholds; to take your time; to feel all the varieties of presence that accrue there; to listen inward with complete attention until you hear the inner voice calling you forward. The time has come to cross.

To acknowledge and cross a new threshold is always a challenge. It demands courage and also a sense of trust in whatever is emerging. This becomes essential when a threshold opens suddenly in front of you, one for which you had no preparation. This could be illness, suffering or loss. Because we are so engaged with the world, we usually forget how fragile life can be and how vulnerable we always are. It takes only a couple of seconds for a life to change irreversibly. Suddenly you stand on completely strange ground and a new course of life has to be embraced. Especially at such times we desperately need blessing and protection. You look back at the life you have lived up to a few hours before, and it suddenly seems so far away. Think for a moment how, across the world, someone’s life has just changed – irrevocably, permanently, and not necessarily for the better – and everything that was once so steady, so reliable, must now find a new way of unfolding.

Though we know one another’s names and recognize one another’s faces, we never know what destiny shapes each life. The script of individual destiny is secret; it is hidden behind and beneath the sequence of happenings that is continually unfolding for us. Each life is a mystery that is never finally available to the mind’s light or questions. That we are here is a huge affirmation; somehow life needed us and wanted us to be. To sense and trust this primeval acceptance can open a vast spring of trust within the heart. It can free us into a natural courage that casts out fear and opens up our lives to become voyages of discovery, creativity, and compassion. No threshold need be a threat, but rather an invitation and a promise. Whatever comes, the great sacrament of life will remain faithful to us, blessing us always with visible signs of invisible grace. We merely need to trust.

What to do when they change the rules

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Play it as it lies…

The official rules of golf have been changed! I know, in addition to the crazy swirl of national and world events, not to mention the relentless, arrhythmic drumbeat of your daily life this is sure to appear nowhere on any list of anything that you care about it.

Even so, bear with me for just a moment. I promise that I will spare you an analysis of the rule changes and talk directly about how this is a relevant example of adjusting to the unexpected.

A change to the rules of golf, esoteric to most, got my attention for one simple reason. I named my company after one of them.

The name of my company is RULE13 Learning. “Rule 13” in the old rulebook was “play it as it lies.” I chose this name for my company because it represents a lot of things that matter for leaders who are wrestling with personal, team and organizational change. It is about acceptance, resilience, responsibility and creativity.

I worked in the golf equipment industry for many years and felt great about naming my company after such a fundamental proposition: accept where you are and figure out how to get somewhere even better.

“Play it as it lies” is still a rule, of course, but by simplifying the rules down from 35 to 24, the old “Rule 13” has now become “Rule 9.”

RULE9 Learning? What do you think?

Yeah, me neither.

So, what to do? First, I just had a good LAUGH. I never – EVER – considered that this could happen. The rules of golf just are what they are (or were what they were): an accepted, if sometimes frustrating list of how to play a very traditional, conservative and inherently rule-bound game. The United States Golf Association and the R&A (or “Royal & Ancient”) are the official keepers of the rules of golf and are not what one would describe as liberal or progressive organizations.

And that means that I fell into the same trap I counsel my clients to avoid: believing that even the most hide-bound organizations cannot or will not change. If you look at it objectively, with participation in golf and golf industry revenues remaining flat or declining for at least the past 10 years and probably longer, OF COURSE the governing bodies were going to do something to make the game more approachable and enjoyable.

The irony of that…of having missed something so elusive because of its outward appearance and yet so obvious because of its inward reality just made me start to laugh.

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And don’t forget to have some fun!

And out of that laughter came the realization that I now have to ADJUST. I have to rethink and rewrite the language on my website. I have to rethink the story I tell about why and how I named my company. I have to recast that meaning in a new manner, one that demonstrates that even decisions that seem perfectly sound and timeless will be made irrelevant by the passage of time.

What’s more, this couldn’t of happened at a better time. I just celebrated the 5th anniversary of my business and as I continue to learn how to deliver meaningful work and my clients continue to shape my point of view, it is an ideal time for some thoughtful reconsideration.

I have a responsibility to stay at the leading edge of my own personal and professional transformation and the governing bodies of golf just gave me an extraordinary assist in doing so!

Now, having enjoyed a good laugh and considered some necessary adjustments it’s time to GET BACK TO WORK. I’m very proud of RULE13 Learning, LLC. It’s a growing enterprise with dynamic offerings and a terrific roster of clients. In fact, I’m more committed to the name and what it stands for now than perhaps I have ever been.

So, thank you to the USGA and the R&A for reminding of what I knew, that when we commit to playing it as it lies we commit to the whole experience: good, bad, challenging and rewarding.

We accept it all. We have a good laugh. We make some adjustments.

And then we get back to work.

DAVID BERRY is the author of “A More Daring Life: Finding Voice at the Crossroads of Change” and the founder of RULE13 Learning. He speaks and writes about the complexity of leading in a changing world.